Who Can Relate?

So its May 1st 2015…five years after my high school graduation. At this point, most of my friends are graduating college with degrees in science, arts, plans for graduate school, ect. I’m married (Very Happily Married) and working full time in the veterinary field…no I’m not a doctor or technician…I’m basically everyone’s bitch. Which, as bad as I make that sound, it’s not a terrible job. My coworkers don’t treat me with disrespect or act like I’m their Bitch…but essentially that’s all I do. I clean up after everyone, keep things running smoothly, keep things organized…blah blah blah!

Now, I know I’m not too old to go back to college… I know I still have “plenty of time” left in my life… But I had goals as an innocent, naive teenager…back when I had no idea how hard college was going to be…back when I had an ignorant idea of just how much “real life” cost. Ever since I dropped out of college after five years of attempting to get a few different degrees…I haven’t been able to make myself go back. Believe it or not it’s not because I’m scared about how stressful and hard college is, it’s not because I have the worst anxiety in the world and haven’t been able to accomplish any kind of real success in five years…it’s because I still don’t have any fucking idea of what I want to be when I grow up…

Yes, I realize I’m already an adult…trust me my bills and daily responsibilities as an employee, wife and mom (fur baby mom) are hard reminders of that. I’m an adult and it’s time to get an adult grasp on life. My husband and I live in a one bedroom apartment we HATE. It’s not the crappiest apartment in the world but it’s definitely not where I imagined myself at this point in my life…and that is the problem I have with my life right now. I’m not even close to where I imagined I would be at this point in my life. 

Granted I always wanted to be married young and be a young mother. I was married at 22 and if I could’ve I would have married my husband at least two years earlier. I’m not a mother yet. That also bothers me. I love my four legged fur baby (a perfect pit bull) and am so blessed to be his momma. But I want human babies too. My husband wants human babies too. But I also want to make enough money to support my family. My husband has been successful in his career for almost ten years. I have worked retail, animal care, and child care jobs just to make ends meet since high school and I must say, it’s defeating…Hopefully I can get my life somewhat figured out soon….Hopefully. 

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2 thoughts on “Who Can Relate?

  1. I can completely relate to this! I am 31 years old and it has taken me years to settle into a career that seemed like the ‘one’ and even now I feel like maybe this is not for me….I recently posted on how I wasn’t sure if it was my real feelings I feel right now regarding my career or the IVF just taking over ANOTHER part of my life…..hopefully we’ll figure it all out in the end and things will fall into place! Good luck in everything Xx

    • Thank you for commenting! Sometimes it helps to know you’re not the only one with these feelings of confusion and failure. Even though we are not failures. Just stressed out individuals having a hard time accepting that it is not our plan playing out in our life!

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