Stressful Decisions!!!

Okay so the more I stress out about not conceiving the more I want to (and unfortunately have been) eating all the foods I’m not supposed to be eating. And the more I eat unhealthy, the more I worry about how much more I’m messing with my chances of conceiving. And all of this of course makes me feel like such a failure. This is all such a Vicious Cycle and I don’t know how much longer I can take it!! 

All of this stress lately has really been pushing me into considering trying IUI. A friend of mine has gone through IUI and IVF and she has recommended I make an appointment with the fertility specialists. The problem is I THINK I could have an issue with it. I can’t decide which is more important to me…How we conceive our child or having a child. 

I’m afraid I’ll be so uncomfortable during the procedures for IUI I will change my mind and not be able to go through with it. The miracle of conception is supposed to be created from the love of a man and wife. Nowhere in the bible does it say anything about a doctor and laboratory being involved…(please don’t get me wrong I am not judging anyone who chooses these forms of conception). My husband was an IVF baby and I know he is my miracle, as I don’t know where I would be without him. 

I’m just trying to figure out if these new procedures in today’s world are supposed to be Our Miracle or if my husband and I are meant for another path. This is a very difficult battle for me and I am just trying my hardest to think it all through before making any final decisions. And wondering if anyone has experienced the same confusion and struggles with this? 

Now, don’t bail on me just yet as there are many parts to choosing IUI or IVF, as we all know, that have to be considered…I realize that if I choose not to go through with either of these I May never get to experience pregnancy…and the thought of that just SUCKS! I love the idea of adopting a child because I know there are so many that need caring homes and loving parents but I love the idea of experiencing pregnancy and birthing a child more.

 I hope that doesn’t make me sound like a terrible person, but I like to think most of the women reading this can relate to these feelings…at least some of them, I hope!! On top of stressing about these decisions, I’m having a hard time getting my husband to discuss these options with me. And the last time I tried to start a conversation about it he just kept say, “Yeah, I think You should talk to the fertility doctor about it”… I know he didn’t mean Exactly what he said and I know it wasn’t meant to hurt me. But it did (and I know I’m more emotional these days as well so I don’t fully blame him for hurting my feelings). 

I’m really hoping that these next few days (my husband and I have vacation together) we can get somewhere with this, as we are usually Very good about communicating over these important life decisions! I know he is just having a hard time understanding why I need to talk about it more…because I have been very upset about everything these days and I realize he is having a hard time seeing me like this. But I need to talk about it more, and simply think aloud about all of this, before I can make my mind up. I guess these are just some of the many ways men and women are so very different right?! 

Well, anyway, thanks to all for reading this and please comment if you have had similar experiences or feelings! Your input would really help and I would greatly appreciate opinions from all view points on this matter! 


5 thoughts on “Stressful Decisions!!!

  1. IVF is not for us, either. It’s too much effort with too much risk. I can’t invest myself so fully into something knowing how many of my friends have tried and failed. IUI isn’t really an option since my body doesn’t want to ovulate no matter what we’ve tried.

    After ten years–well, probably after six years at the latest–I knew that it’s not pregnancy that I value as much as parenting. But you read my post last week. I don’t know if I don’t know what I want or if I am able to accept any outcome.

    But you’re not alone.

    • Thanks so much for commenting! Yes I found your post very helpful. I have recently come to realize (as you’ve read) that my PCOS experience is very different from that of most other women with PCOS. I do have a regular period but it is awfully painful. Therefore, I am Hoping I am also ovulating regularly…my doctor seems to think I may not be so regular but that I AM ovulating, as those times are pretty noticeable bc they are painful as well, unfortunately. But I’m hoping this means I would have better luck with IUI. And I’m not sure why but I feel more comfortable with the idea of IUI vs IVF. We have decided to look at our insurance to see what’s covered and make our appointment with a specialist just to t alk about what options would be best for us!

  2. I just read this and I know how you feel. I had a lot to think about before we decided to go ahead and try IUIs. But my husband and I both feel that IUIs were permissible for us. I strongly believe that the Lord has enabled and given people knowledge to help people like us within some boundaries to help us carry children just like he has given heart doctors knowledge enough to preform surgery to fix peoples hearts. I need drugs to ovulate and probably always will because of PCOS and I am thankful for those drugs. But I understand adding the extra steps of the IUI can seem daunting. I hope that the Lord gives you clarity as you ask him for direction! I’m in my TWW on our 3rd IUI and the negative tests seemed to get harder when doing IUIs but the Lords grace is always waiting at the end.

  3. I am so sorry you are going through this. I have PCOS and haven’t ever had normal periods and when I have them they are painful and long. I personally never wanted to have kids so most of my efforts have been to decrease pain. BUT when I went on an all organic diet after three months of no chemicals or hormones my periods all of a sudden were regular and that was the only change. I know I have read a lot on PCOS and diet changes and fertility. I would explore it if I were you. I have a little only because my sister wants to conceive and she is a pcos sufferer too. Also, yoga is amazing for the pain and the stress and you are beaming with stress. To deal with all this it will help if you find an outlet. If this helps great but if not yoga and prayer combo work for me. And I am not kidding it helps with the cramps better than the morphine I’ve been given a couple times.

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