Okay so the more I stress out about not conceiving the more I want to (and unfortunately have been) eating all the foods I’m not supposed to be eating. And the more I eat unhealthy, the more I worry about how much more I’m messing with my chances of conceiving. And all of this of course makes me feel like such a failure. This is all such a Vicious Cycle and I don’t know how much longer I can take it!!
All of this stress lately has really been pushing me into considering trying IUI. A friend of mine has gone through IUI and IVF and she has recommended I make an appointment with the fertility specialists. The problem is I THINK I could have an issue with it. I can’t decide which is more important to me…How we conceive our child or having a child.
I’m afraid I’ll be so uncomfortable during the procedures for IUI I will change my mind and not be able to go through with it. The miracle of conception is supposed to be created from the love of a man and wife. Nowhere in the bible does it say anything about a doctor and laboratory being involved…(please don’t get me wrong I am not judging anyone who chooses these forms of conception). My husband was an IVF baby and I know he is my miracle, as I don’t know where I would be without him.
I’m just trying to figure out if these new procedures in today’s world are supposed to be Our Miracle or if my husband and I are meant for another path. This is a very difficult battle for me and I am just trying my hardest to think it all through before making any final decisions. And wondering if anyone has experienced the same confusion and struggles with this?
Now, don’t bail on me just yet as there are many parts to choosing IUI or IVF, as we all know, that have to be considered…I realize that if I choose not to go through with either of these I May never get to experience pregnancy…and the thought of that just SUCKS! I love the idea of adopting a child because I know there are so many that need caring homes and loving parents but I love the idea of experiencing pregnancy and birthing a child more.
I hope that doesn’t make me sound like a terrible person, but I like to think most of the women reading this can relate to these feelings…at least some of them, I hope!! On top of stressing about these decisions, I’m having a hard time getting my husband to discuss these options with me. And the last time I tried to start a conversation about it he just kept say, “Yeah, I think You should talk to the fertility doctor about it”… I know he didn’t mean Exactly what he said and I know it wasn’t meant to hurt me. But it did (and I know I’m more emotional these days as well so I don’t fully blame him for hurting my feelings).
I’m really hoping that these next few days (my husband and I have vacation together) we can get somewhere with this, as we are usually Very good about communicating over these important life decisions! I know he is just having a hard time understanding why I need to talk about it more…because I have been very upset about everything these days and I realize he is having a hard time seeing me like this. But I need to talk about it more, and simply think aloud about all of this, before I can make my mind up. I guess these are just some of the many ways men and women are so very different right?!
Well, anyway, thanks to all for reading this and please comment if you have had similar experiences or feelings! Your input would really help and I would greatly appreciate opinions from all view points on this matter!